Mia's Lens

 Shit's getting real.  Second awakening, second dark night. Things being taken left and right. I remain intact. If I don't listen, the third will be brutal. But so far, just my heart is suffering. All wounds coming to the surface. Needs, strong and wild, begging to be felt. The important ones: food, water. The amazing ones: love, connection, touch. The Mission: work and a place to live.  How do people live when they're following their hearts? How many people still will fall off, just to meet me again at a higher place? What is important? Animals, nature, one another. Those are the important things. Secondary comes health and then follow the rest. Will I feel fullfilled when I've followed the Calling? Will I be alone? Will I meet people who are closer to my heart and build great relationships? Do I have to struggle? How much do I have to struggle? Will my needs be met? Yes. Yes, is the answer. On the first heartbeat.  The minute you rise, you decide to be True to yoursel

 It's the I versus the We. Why should I let go of my life path to follow yours? It is scary to get out of my I- ness and join my life with yours. It is scary to set aside my independence and come to your home, your life, and be someone else there. Over here, I know who I am. I am woman, I am smart, I am me. Over there, who will I be? Girlfriend, caretaker, wife? While you go on being independent, will I be in chains?  But I'm sure that's how you feel, too. Over there you are strong, you are free, you are accomplisher. You are man. Over here what will you be? Slave to emotions, curfew in place? Neither of us wants to move even though our hearts long to be joined. Neither of us wants to give up their old life and surrender to the joint one. But so, we remain separated. We must- both of us- understand that we will remain two "I " s within the "we". I will not take from you, as you will not take from me. But neither of us can remain unchanged. It is a risk,

 A blank page and a new chapter.  Can I tell you I feel hopeful? Parts of me do. Mostly I am still in my old pattern. It's like the new self has been planted and sprouted but there is no room for it to grow. The sunlight has not hit it yet, it seems like I'm not allowing it to exist. I can sense that it's healthy, but the environment it's growing in is not hospitable. It's dark and so full of things of the past. It's not a clean, open space that can help this wonderful plant of love flourish.  This is not to complain. This is to figure out a game plan. How can I detach from who I used to be and deal with my old habits one by one? How can I be okay with my self, and unlearn all that I've been told? It sseems like life is throwing me in the same situations over and over again and I don't seem to be learning. I'm just growing. And don't get me wrong, it's great, but... When does the happiness kick in? I went to the doctor the other day, to check

   It breaks you up. It breaks you open so you can heal, so you can see the truth about yourself. I doesn’t ask if you are ready- you never choose it. An awakening happens when it is time for you to start remembering who you are and what your purpose is.  For me, it happened with heartache. I suppose it pierces you where you are most vulnerable. For me, it was love. When I had two people leave my life because we were no longer compatible. And the pain was unbelievable. But so was the Rise. The awakening. The release. The freedom. At first i t felt like I would disappear from the world. It felt like there was nothing on earth that would hold me. Alone, unloved, unhappy. When you lose all of what you thought was real, the people upon whom you could count, the loves of your life- friend, partner- it is easy to lose all sense of purpose and direction.   But then I had a dream. Years into my darkest darks I had a dream of a blue stone with gold flakes. A dream that plunged me into research,